How to Boost a Woman\'s Self-Esteem: 7 Effective Ways

Self-esteem is the most discussed theme at meetings with a psychologist in the whole world.

And for good reasons. Healthy self-esteem is a key to healthy relationships not only with other people, but with ourselves, too. People with stable self-esteem usually achieve greater success in all matters, and their personal life has many more chances to be really harmonic and happy. The confidence and peace they radiate attract other people (as well as different interesting possibilities) like a magnet.

Unstable self-esteem vice versa repels. In addition, people with low self-esteem more often than others devalue their achievements and abilities, preferring to sit in the shade.

You must have met people who, despite all their talents, can't realize themselves, wallowing in fears and doubts. If you can tell the same about yourself, you should read this article till the end. We’ve collected for you 7 proven ways for self-esteem increasing which really work.

Start with the awareness that self-esteem is not something congenital on which we cannot have influence in any way. On the contrary, it is something created by us every day, and each of us can make it healthy and stable. And here are things to do for it.

1. Stop devaluing yourself

The simplest way to determine a problem with self-esteem is to do it with the help of… the compliments.

How do you react to words of admiration or praise addressed to you? If instead of accepting them with sincere gratitude you start to refuse habitually (“Oh, this dress a hundred years old”, “These are small things, I haven’t done anything great”, “You just don’t know – nothing depended on me there”), it’s time to worry.

Because these phrases constantly sound in your head. You skillfully find reasons and explanations why your achievements are not real, and mistakes are awful and unforgivable.

This kind of thinking ruins your self-esteem from inside.

What should you do? Here are some effective tips:

• No matter what good thing has happened, you should always notice your personal role in this. For example, even if a project at work was realized successfully by other people, remember that you were the first who voiced its idea.
• If something not very pleasant happened, for example, you made a mistake, find the strength to admit not only the fact of the mistake, but also your readiness to learn a lesson from this.
• Keep a diary of your victories – write down everything: things you’ve coped with, things you’ve managed to figure out, overcome, learn.
• Ask your friends to tell what they appreciate you for. You’ll be surprised how many good things you didn’t notice in yourself. And you should put this down in your diary, too.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others

The simplest way to drive yourself into depression is to constantly compare yourself to other, “more successful” and “happier”, people.

The main illusion of such comparisons lies in the fact that we can see only the outer side, and all the “inside” stays behind the scenes. Who knows if you would compare yourself and envy somebody knowing about all his/her difficulties, failures and losses…

Not to compare yourself with anyone is, of course, impossible. But it’s important to be able to draw a line between an objective assessment and a painful comparison of yourself to other people. Comparison is like medicines. Small doses are useful, they motivate to act and achieve the same results. And overdosing threatens by the self-esteem ruining.

Here are three steps which may help you:

1. Limit the time you spend in the social networks or unsubscribe from those who transmit “the successful success” arising the feelings of discomfort and inferiority in you.
2. If you feel envy, ask yourself: “What can I do for myself to get closer to such a result?” Make a plan and begin to move.
3. Try to compare only to yourself. Recollect how many things you’ve learnt and how many achievements you’ve made during a month, half a year, a year… You also have things to be proud of!

3. Act!

Sometimes it’s very useful to reflect on the reasons of your unstable self-esteem, but don’t linger in these thoughts for a long time. Only targeted actions can make a real breakthrough in increasing self-esteem.

Make a plan, write down specific steps in the direction you need, and move forward.

Instead of envying your colleague who easily signs profitable contracts, observe her/him, find her/his strong sides, and work on their development in yourself. What do you lack to achieve success? Is it an ability to express your thoughts clearly and confidently and to defend your position? Sign up for public speaking courses. The fact of taking responsibility for your life and readiness for decisive action will immediately add points to your self-esteem.

And don’t think that for growth you need only grand events. Self-esteem stabilizes from the little steps you take every day.

Get three useful recommendations for overcoming self-sabotage:

1. Set realistic and specific goals. For a day, a week, a month. “To learn English” looks like an empty fantasy, but “to achieve A2 level by the 1^st of June” sounds like a task.
2. Break big tasks into the smaller ones and focus on them. Our brain likes to play “horrors” scaring us with a volume of the work to do. Fool it. Just put on trainers and go out – it sounds not so scary as go for a run.
3. Don’t forget to notice your progress and make a habit of filling in the list named “I have managed” every evening. Confidence is trained in the same way as any other muscle. Pump it up every day!

4. Become a friend to yourself

Without exaggerating, our inner dialogue directly influences the quality of our life.

If you are used to criticizing and devaluing yourself your self-esteem is doomed. Change inner criticizing for support: “I have a right to make mistakes, and I learn from my mistakes”, “I don’t have to be ideal”, “It’s not easy, but I try”.

Just imagine that you are talking to your best friend. What would you say to her if she needed support?

Start your every morning from the phrase: “Today I choose to be on my side” – and make of it your life credo.

Try to work with affirmations. It’s an easy to use, but very effective tool for self-confidence increasing and self-esteem strengthening. I’ve prepared for you a list of 50 affirmations for every day. Choose those which resonate with you, and soon you’ll be able to see changes for the better.

5. Do what fills you up

Your inner state directly affects your self-esteem. When you feel alive, filled up, inspired, your self-esteem increases. While stress, anxiety, chronic tension and fatigue are the main enemies of your self-confidence.

Psychologic “survival” mode not only discharges your inner battery but literally limits your development – in such state we can’t notice the possibilities around us.

Find activities that bring you joy and inner peace. Yoga, promenades, reading, embroidering, drawing, communicating with four-legged pets – no matter what it is, the main criterium is your well-being. And without fail, plan time for rest, let it be even 20-30 minutes a day which you can devote only to yourself.

And don’t think that constant anxiety is a norm. No matter what the external circumstance are, your inner peace is the main condition for you to stay afloat in any storm. Test our tools to work with anxiety  which will help you to figure out the reasons and regain balance and inner harmony.

6. Change your surroundings

The surroundings are another factor influencing our self-esteem. People around you may support and strengthen your self-confidence, as well as ruin it.

Step one. Think, after communicating with whom from your surroundings you feel strong and able to achieve everything, what you dream of, and after whom you start to doubt yourself and your plans.

Step two. Limit access to information important for you for those who tend to criticize, devalue or prank. Try to share your feelings and plans with them less. Even if they are your close relatives or colleagues you talk to every day.

And vice versa, communicate more often with people who believe in you, inspire and develop themselves.

Remember, you don’t have to be in toxic relationships – neither friendly, nor romantic, nor working ones. Healthy surroundings are a resource building your self-confidence.

7. Strengthen your personal boundaries

You have a right to be inconvenient for others if it means to be in consent with yourself. Full stop.

Without excuses, without feeling guilty, without attempts to explain to everyone why you act this or that way.

And it’s not about selfishness, because you don’t try to make others do what you want. You simply live your own life according to your own rules. All people with stable self-esteem do.

Start from the simplest thing. Notice when you do something because you have to, not because you want to.

Don’t be afraid to offence people with your refusal. It’s not about obduracy – it’s about honesty, to yourself and to other people. Learn to say “No” politely but confidently.

Stop looking for approval from the outside. You don’t have to be good for everyone. To be yourself is the best decision, because only this way you will be able to attract your people, those who share your values.

Read this article – here, in details, we are sorting out the issue of healthy personal boundaries and how they may be strengthened.

And the main thing. Never forget that you are already valuable – just the way you are. You are important. Your thoughts, feelings, actions are important. You are already worthy of respectful attitude. All you need now is to begin to treat yourself in a new way.